Playing With It...

I think I haven’t written here for years because I didn’t know exactly what to say.

My thoughts have been scattered. Uncertain about my purpose.

Self-consciousness and comparison internalizing my decision making.  

It’s been a very gray, cloudy place. And yet, so very productive…

Because here I am today, and here’s what I know to be true. On this day. In this hour:

Unconditional self-pleasure is a human right, regardless of circumstances.

I do not need to be where I thought I’d be, doing what I thought I’d be doing, with the people I thought I’d be doing it with. In this very moment, with my next breath, this is all exactly right.

I’ve spent a lifetime feeling like I could always be doing more. Meeting more people. Saying yes to more projects. Making more of a difference… Fearful of insignificance. Fearful that I will die without leaving an everlasting mark... What an egocentric weight to bear.

So, I’m in an emotional recovery of sorts. Choosing to just exist, one day at a time. Living in the art, rather than waiting for it to show up one day with enough work put in.

All of this to say: Enjoy Yourself. Get so good at it that your energy and spirit spreads like wildfire. Having fucking fun. Otherwise, what’s the point?

I was in Kansas, and today feels like Oz… we’re in technicolor, baby.